Uncertain Steps

I spoke with a mother yesterday who has a 15 year old son that is a sophomore in high school (same as my oldest daughter.)  When she mentioned that he may take the ACT or SAT in February I was a little shocked.  I realize they can take it as early as the 6th grade if they want but it seems a bit overkill to me.  Do they need to be stressing out about that already?

…but there is more to his story.

He is a very intelligent young man. Involved in everything from music to athletics.  He’s fairly confident that he wants to go into the medical field in some way.

He has even signed up for a camp/conference this summer to explore the different possibilities in the medical field.  He knows that he may not have the stomach for blood that would be necessary to be a medical doctor so is looking for other alternatives.  Given his exceptional math skills, he is considering biomedical engineering.

What does this have to do with taking the ACT early?

He has recognized, probably with the help of his parents, that regardless whether he decides to pursue biomedical engineering or changes his mind and wants to become a medical doctor, if he doesn’t have the grades and the test scores to get into the best undergraduate program possible he is substantially limiting his opportunities.

It isn’t that he’s committed to one thing and ruled everything else out at the age of 15.  He recognizes that he has other interests such as working with youth.  He continues to explore that through a variety of activities such as coaching youth wrestling.  He is aware of some possibilities, and is also well aware of what it takes to make those happens so is taking steps to keep all of his opportunities open and available to him until he makes a decision.

Over time, as he continues to experience more opportunities in these directions, he will begin to see where he fits best….or maybe something entirely new will present itself as a part of this process.  Most importantly, he is actively exploring…not waiting until its time to graduate to take steps in finding a direction for his life.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t happen as easily for some as it does for others.  Some haven’t even begun to recognize their strengths or interests.  They don’t really see any possible directions to explore or know where to even start.

This is where parents can make a difference. Not by nagging on them with the infamous question “What are you going to do with your life?”  The more we pressure kids in that way, the quicker they are just going to make a choice … a poor choice … just so they don’t have to feel us breathing down their neck about it all the time.

Our role is to actively engage in conversation about different careers as we notice them.  Discussing people who have a passion for what they are doing … and those who obviously don’t.  Reminding them of their various strengths and how they might be utilized in unique ways.

Not pushing.  Not persuading.  Not trying to influence.  Just trying to help them become more aware of themselves and the rest of the world.  The more this becomes a habit the more they will find themselves doing that on their own.  Noticing what others are doing and how they go about doing it. Thinking about themselves in a similar role.

As important as the passive observation is to this process, even more importantly is becoming a more active participant. “Active” meaning it’s in the DOING.  Not just sitting by watching.  Getting involved.  Trying new things.  Going new places.  We have to encourage them to step out of their little box that has gotten so comfortable and try it all.

Try out for the community theater that they never considered…or maybe work on the set or be an assistant to the director.  Take an auto shop class.  Look through the community college night classes for something new to try.  Teach a Sunday school class or a summer baseball team.  Go to youth leadership events and meet others from around the country and get a different perspective.

The earlier they begin to open themselves up to the unlimited possibilities the world has for them, the more opportunity they will have to explore various things before needing to make any decision at all.

Tennis legend, Andre Agassi committed over 3 decades of his life to becoming the best tennis player in the world and yet, in his book, “Open,” he describes how much he hated tennis.

He didn’t like sports at all…but he HATED tennis!

His father was obsessed with making him the best tennis player in the world:

• building a tennis court in their backyard that Andre referred to as his “cell”
• forcing him to practice hour after hour against “the dragon”
• sparing no expense at getting him the best instruction in the world, even at the price of sending him away to Florida at a young age

And yet, Andre continued to insist that he absolutely hated the game of tennis.

As parents, we can sit and point a finger at Mike Agassi and condemn him. How could he be so demanding? How could he not recognize how much his son hated what he was doing?

As portrayed in this book, Mike Agassi was certainly extreme, but plenty of us do similar things.  We want the best for our children as they become adults. We want them to be “successful.” We just may be a little more subtle in how we go about it.

In some cases we want them to be just like us:

• expect them to follow in our footsteps
• take over the family business
• get that Ivy League education that we have
• push, drive, and strive just like we have

Others may want something totally different for their kids:

• doctors who don’t want their kids going into healthcare because of what they’ve experienced
• parents who failed to get a college degree who almost demand that from their kids
• even Andre and his wife, Stephie Graf, insist that their kids won’t have a career in tennis

So…what is our role as parents as our teenagers begin to think about the future?

We encourage them to actively explore and expose themselves to as many new and different experiences as possible.

We help them become aware of things about themselves that they may have taken for granted or not recognized.

We allow them to see other perspectives than their own, or even our own.

But sometimes what we see as talents and skills don’t all match perfectly with their interests and passions.   Sometimes the values that we directly or indirectly tried to instill in our children don’t become THEIR value system.

Ultimately, THEY have to make the decision.

Just returned home from our trip to San Francisco. Yes it did finally happen and eventually we got to do everything we had planned. ( I’m sure there is another lesson in that…most of the time things work out, even if they are not exactly according to the plan!)

…but that isn’t the topic of this post.

Throughout our entire trip, I had the opportunity to witness or speak with countless people engaged in work that they obviously found great joy in and were very passionate about…

• a guy at the airport counter telling me about his craft of working with steel used in power plants (I have to  admit, I still have no clue what he was referring to specifically, but without a doubt he was passionate about his work)
• Gregory Haney, who played the part of Chistery, the monkey in the musical “Wicked” … certainly wasn’t the main character but the play wouldn’t have been the same without him
• the entire orchestra at Cirque du Soleil … like the monkey they were never center stage and it was easy to forget that the music was actually a live orchestra, but when you watched these people go about their role they loved every minute of it and performed as if they were the main attraction
• the Japanese woman who, after 30 years of living in San Francisco, opens her own little store carrying a unique variety of Japanese items … one of those stores that as soon as you step in you know it is going to be a wonderful experience just because of the joy she had doing what she was doing

All of these, in their own way, had found their own area of specialty in which to direct their energy and focus.  But quite possibly none stood out quite as dramatically as “the Bushman.”  If you aren’t familiar with Bushman, he is reportedly a homeless man who makes a living by hiding behind some fake branches in one of the busier tourist areas of Fisherman’s Wharf in San Francisco.  When tourists walk by and are least suspecting, he jumps out from behind the bushes and scares them. Simple…but effective!

Here is a short clip from our experience:

Here is someone else’s and you can search YouTube and find a hundred more:

There are a variety of internet rumors about this guy:

• reported to make over $60k/yr
• has hired a bodyguard to protect him from those who don’t find him so humorous
• has multiple “impostors” attempting to do the same thing (just looking through the YouTube videos it’s obvious there is more than one doing this)

There is also a whole range of different opinions about the Bushman.  Some condemn him and think he’s a nuisance.  One commenter online even found it totally unfair that the Bushman was making more money than he was with a college degree.  Others applaud Bushman for trying to support himself and think he’s hilarious.

Regardless, whether you can appreciate what he does or not …. whether he makes $60k/year or just enough to buy lunch…whether there is one Bushman or five…you have to give him (them) credit for finding a little niche (as simple as that niche may seem to others) that seems to work well for them.

What’s to learn from all of this?  I think it’s safe to say all of these people found ways to utilize their talents and skills in unique ways doing something they enjoy and are passionate about.  Shouldn’t that be what we are encouraging our kids to do as well?